The Soul Of My Feet

In my efforts to discipline my 5 year old recently I experienced for the first time being hurt verbally by him. Whilst I held firm and continued on, when he wasn’t looking I let out an almighty cry to my Father in heaven. Motherhood can be so painful sometimes and I’m positive that without Jesus walking me through every step of it I would be a bundle of nerves. It certainly made me reflect on how I’d hurt my own parents as a child and ultimately how I treat my heavenly Father when I don’t get my own way. Though it was painful for me and my son training him in how to live and behave, which each hurdle we both grow more and learn how we can love each other and ultimately how we can please God in what we do. If you’re struggling today, take heart, He is with you every step of the way you just need to call on him to help…

My Hubby and I recently celebrated our 10 year anniversary by leaving the kids with Nanna and going on a holiday together – something we hadn’t experienced in the last 5 years. And well, it was simply blissful to spend a week without someone’s bottom to wipe, without dealing with an unexpected tantrum, without backache from picking up random toys and toddlers. It was wonderful just being us again and not once did we feel guilty about it. In fact, it actually strengthened our marriage and it enabled us to appreciate our kids even more and the grandparents for that matter! But seriously it’s so important to take that time out for each other to spark up that love and fire for each other. It made us so thankful that God has given us such a precious gift of marriage and children and to never take either for granted…

My little boys taught me something this week, you see a lot of time they get up to mischief, but the one thing they struggle with is the thought that they have dissapointed Mummy. They just don’t like getting into trouble, yet they make mistakes, make the wrong choices and as a result there can be negative consequences. But I realised that the important aspect of the disciplining process is to allow reconciliation and a chance for a cuddle and the reassurance that Mummy still loves them even though they just rubbed red crayon into the white carpet

So I wanted to make a mental note today to always try to love my kids without conditions. Even if they stuff it up I want them to know that they can always come back and make the relationship right again. Even as an adult I continually seem to ‘stuff it up’  and it breaks my heart to think I have hurt someone unintentionally,  I can’t seem to function properly if there is any brokenness in a relationship, in fact it breaks me to think that I have let someone down… and there is no way for me to make it up or repair the damage. I guess I’m thankful that God will always forgive me and allow me to come back to him, he is the best Father and parent of all and hopefully I can try with his help to model this with my own children.

‘Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.’ (Col 3:13)

I love my boys wholeheartedly but there are times when the not so nice parts of their nature creeps out and often it’s in prime view of onlookers. Only recently, I witnessed my two year old push a kid off a trike and jump on board. I was horrified, my kids were supposed to be the nice ones who always did the right thing. I suppose it’s a lot like us, we can be nice generally most of time but our ugly side surfaces when we least expect it, often triggered by stress, tiredness or just general grumpiness. We like to cut in on lines, speed past someone on the freeway and partake in not so nice behaviour and I reckon God must be a little dissapointed whe he sees this and wonders if we really are his children. It’s pretty Good News that He loves us, even that bit of ugliness in us all and he’s made a way for us to be perfect again. If only we could love our children with that same amazing love…

I think God has been teaching me something lately, in fact, I know He has. Motherhood is so far away from my natural talents that sometimes I feel like a bit of a failure because I seem to be able to conquer every other aspect of my life. What I have been realising is…I’m a control freak. I like routine, predictability and order and when these 3 things don’t exist, well I can go a little nutty…which is what happened last week. My boys are 4 and 2 and whilst they are incredibly cute, they are very busy and like to be doing something minute by minute which can get pretty exhausting and some days I just can’t keep up with them and I spend the entire day frustrated, cranky and running in circles feeling like I have achieved nothing.

So after a few tears during the week and a BIG plea to God, we had a team meeting and decided we needed to make some changes to our home days. So today was our first home day of the week, so I decided to wake up before them, hee hee, already I was at least one step ahead of them. I made sure I was ready and feeling beautiful, then I prepared breakfast, anticipating their every need. So far so good everybody is happy…then around 8.30 the phone rings, oh oh this can be the part where it all turns to custard which is why I avoid the phone at all costs which must frustrate my friends. Thankfully, I had already set up a game for them outside in the dirt with their trucks. Horaay phone call success….we play tennis at 9.30, then we have morning tea outside in the beautiful sunshine, then while they’re having their morning tea, start setting up our morning craft ‘Mothers Day Cards’. I know I’m probably sounding like a true magazine Mum.. but a day like this rare, mostly it’s crazy, messy and chaotic. But God helped me today to bring order and with a little planning the night before I knew how I wanted the day to unfold and thankfully it unfolded exactly how I visioned it to be.

They are tucked away in bed now hopefully for the entire afternoon (I wish!). Did I forget to mention that we even cooked a cake, which I can smell a beautiful aroma wafting down the hallway…can’t wait for the boys to wake up so we can head outside for some yummy cake and cinos…

Thank you J, you’re the best mummy guide ever…

We have decided to see if we can take a break from the TV for 1 week. So this morning at 9am the TV got unplugged. Surprisingly the kids were ok with it, however the withdrawal symptons were kicking in at around 4 this afternoon. We didn’t realise how we depended on it around dinner time. I’m really proud of everyone for lasting the first day, the house has been so eerrrillly quiet and we’ve actually had a chance to talk to each other. If we meet the challenge we all go out on Sunday and do something special which Liams pretty excited about! We’ll let you know how day 2 goes!

Day 2: TV got plugged in at 3pm, Playschool won! But very impressed with the boys they spent the whole morning playing together which they haven’t done for a while, and they even started making up games. We cooked, did some craft and even did an activity on the fruits of the spirit so day 2 pretty successful!

Day 3: Mummy very soft, TV went on at 7am! Off again at 8am though as kids weren’t even watching it, pushed them outside!
Day 4: Heatwave conditions TV on most of day, oh well we’ll try again in Winter!

I surprised myself yesterday by taking the bus home, yes the bus. My memories of bus rides have been tainted with bullying, hair pulling, smelly bottoms and general stickyness  which is probably why I’ve tended to avoid public transport as an adult. But today I did it and it felt liberating! It gave me time to look out the window to see life from a different perspective and yet just another chance to rest. It was simply lovely and I think I’ll do it more often!

Just wanted to share with you a moment of reflection this week. My little boy looked up at me with puppy dog eyes yesterday and made quite a profound statement. He said ” Mummy, I need something to make me happy”. Hmmmm I needed a few minutes to ponder on this statement before responding to him…in fact I wondered where he had even heard the statement before? Was it somehow subliminally sent through the TV? Had I said it before? It actually made me a little sad to hear that he needed something material to make him happy but I guess it is simply the battle we all have within us. To either seek happiness through accumulating ‘things’ or seeking happiness through the contentment that comes from knowing Jesus. It was a little difficult to explain to a 3 year old that happiness is free and is available to us through Jesus 24/7 but I’ll keep teaching him and hopefully one day it will stick!

I’m wearing way too many hats today, today I’m a mum, a wife, a business owner, a writer, a cleaner, a cook, a first aid officer, a lifeguard, a friend, a servant… I could probably think of a few more. Some days though I’m simply exhausted by what I need to get done. Somedays I just want to crawl in a hole for a few days until the dust has settled by what my feet has stirred up. So I am asking my Lord to take a few hats away today. I just want to “be” and not “do” all of the time. I would rather be a “fighter” a time fighter, I want to de-involve my self in useless worldy projects and involve myself in eternal projects that can be used in great ways by God. Mostly I just want to know whats important in this very moment…

I had the scariest moment of my life this week, I lost my little boy at the park, for a moment I looked away to make sure my other little boy didn’t fall and when I looked back he was gone. At first I didn’t panic, I knew he wouldn’t leave without me? But as I searched each and every slide and swing , my worst fears spun through my mind. It wasn’t until a man walked casually into park and wondered if anyone had lost a kid as there was a 3 year old about to walk onto the beach (500m from the park) without anyone with him. And yes out of all those kids in the park, the lost one was mine. Needless to say he got the hiding of his life, but you know what I was that scared that I didn’t call on God to help, I tried to control the situtation instead of knowing that God was in control. Now I wonder if my Faith is in fact pretty shallow…perhaps God was showing me to lean on Him in the times I’m most afraid, afterall he promises time and time again that He is with me…

‘So do not fear, for I am with you;do not be dismayed, for I am your God’ (Isaiah 41:10)